One Of Those Days. (Boultin/ Parton)

When you find you’ve slept through your alarm clock and you can’t find clean knickers or socks
When number one daughter’s used all the hot water and there’s no teabags left in the box
The orange juice carton is empty and the coffee pot’s furry and green
The only bread’s frozen, the toaster is broken and you struggle to stifle a scream

CHORUS:
It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
But don’t think these things only happen to you
That creation has cursed ev’rything that you do
For the rich and the famous have their moments too
And it’s going to be one of those days

There’s icebergs ahead, said the first Mate to the Skipper who stood on the bridge
But on the Titanic there was no sign of panic, the Captain was cool as a fridge
They can’t harm us at all, he said smiling, hold your course, keep her full steam ahead
But soon after noting the carpets were floating, he turned to the first Mate and said:

CHORUS: 
It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
Why do these things always happen to me?
Just how unlucky can anyone be?
This is not going to look too good on my CV
And it’s going to be one of those days

Doctor Livingstone lived in the jungle with a tribe who thought he was a god 
He’d got forty wives, gold and silver besides, he was set up for life – lucky sod!
Then Stanley strides into the clearing with his pith hat, machete and shorts
I presume you are one Doctor D. Livingstone, at which the good doctor retorts

CHORUS: 
It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
Here am I living the life of a toff
Now Stanley has caused a complete catastroff
I wish he’d just take his pith hat and pith off
And it’s going to be one of those days

Now there’s no disputin’ Rasputin was cute in a mad monkish way
He was giving Katrina the lovely Tsarina more than spiritual guidance they say
So the Tsar he arranged for his murder and he hired a hit-monk for the job
To stab him and shoot him and electrocute him, no names and no pack drill, ten bob

CHORUS: 
He said It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
If there’s trouble about you can bet that I have it
Is it my fault the Tsarina goes like a rabbit
And if this is mad monking I’m changing my habit
And it’s going to be one of those days

So if you ever have one of those mornings when nothing you do will go right
Everything that you touch from the time you get up congeals into one great heap of – rubbish
Don’t think it’s your fault or failure, it’s not something you’ve eaten or said
And all you can do when it happens to you is sing as you go back to bed

CHORUS: 
It’s going to be one of those days
It’s going to be one of those days
It isn’t a blessing, it feels like a curse
When things keep on turning from bad into worse
And you can’t even think of a line for this song
That’ll rhyme or scan or any bloody thing
And it’s going to be one of those days